Sexual Intimacy

Last week I talked about the adjustments and accommodations that newly married couples face. Now, if you hadn't guess by the title of this post, I want to talk about sexual intimacy. I should preface this post by saying that I believe that sex should wait until after marriage and that waiting until marriage has numerous benefits for the relationship.

Believe it or not, but sexual intimacy has a lot of challenges attached to it. All that's ever talked about is how amazing sex is, but no one ever mentions it's difficulties. These are the struggles that a couple can face with sex: 

• Misunderstandings: Women start to feel the desire or want for sex after she feels warm, safe, and close, with her partner. Men typically have sex so they can feel warm, safe, and close to their partner. This is where the misunderstanding can occur. The woman might feel frustrated because all the husband wants to do is have sex and the man might be offended because his wife wants nothing to do with him. It's important to keep communication clear and to make sure each person in the marriage is trying their best to understand one another.
• Timing: It's no secret that it doesn't take long for a man to become aroused or sexually excited, but a woman has to work her way up to that point. In fact, women typically have to make the decision to allow themselves to become aroused. It also takes a woman longer to reach a resolution after climaxing than it does a man. This can leave the wife feeling upset if her husband is rushing her in any way and it can be a common source for contention. 
• Anxiety: Being so extremely intimate with someone can cause lots of anxiety, for both people in the relationship. One of them might be worried about how their body looks, especially compared to the unrealistic body standards shown in the media. Another common reason for anxiety is that sex is new and unfamiliar territory, of course it's going to be scary. 
• Resentment and Frustration: Going back to misunderstanding, resentment and frustration can occur when the couple isn't communicating about their wants, needs, and struggles with their sexual intimacy. In my opinion, resentment is one of the worst things that can happen between a husband and wife if they want their marriage to last. 

But despite the challenges, there are plenty of positive things that a couple can benefit from their sexual intimacy. Here are the benefits of sex:

• Vulnerability 
• Some people might view this as a negative, but it's so important for husband and wife to be vulnerable with each other. They need that closeness in order to bond and become more connected. The more connected they are, the stronger their relationship is. 
• Protection from Infidelity
• Because sexual intimacy connects and strengthens a marriage, it helps protect that marriage from infidelity. One of the reasons infidelity can occur is because someone isn't satisfied with the marriage. All of these benefits of sex can help both people in the marriage feel pleased, connected, and happy with each other. No one's going to want to cheat or feel that sexual attraction to others when they're focused on and satisfied with their spouse. 
• Selflessness
• The experience of sex can change drastically when they are focusing on the person they're  being intimate with rather than thinking only about themselves and making themselves feel good. This in turn, again, strengths and connects the couple. 
• Communication
• If you go back and look at the list challenges, you'll notice that almost all of them can be mended or fixed with communication. Communication needs to be happening for sexual intimacy to be a positive experience. Having to communicate about sex will allow growth between the couple and will allow them to become better at communicating about other things and issues they might face.  
• Children 
• Sex allows children to be created and children are such blessings to a marriage! They have their own list of challenges but they too can help strengthen and connect a husband and wife. 

If you haven't noticed, all of these things  lead back to two main benefits: connect and strengthen. We should make sure that we aren't treating sex so casually. Focus on strengthening and connecting you and your spouse through sexual intimacy.